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You dress like a lawyer on weekdays
and someone who needs a lawyer on your days off. You plan
your pregnancy around the show season so you can send your horse
to the trainer during the eighth and ninth months.
You pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.
You're seriously considering an even trade of your 1998 Buick
for a 1986 Diesel crewcab dually pickup truck. |
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| You buy duct tape by the case,
and carry rolls in your pocketbook, your briefcase, and the
console of your car. You realize that finding a
horse shoe truly is lucky because you've saved ten bucks.
You have saved five old left mud boots "just in case" and another
right one has sprung a leak. |
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| You would rather ride a good
horse than a good man/woman. You'll drive an hour
in a snowstorm to ride your horse, but God forbid you have to
drive 5 minutes to the store to buy groceries. When your
six year old tells everyone that he's going to be the "ring
steward" at your aunt's wedding! Your friends no longer
ask to get together with you on a weekend afternoon because
they know you'll say -- "I can't, I have to ride."
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| You consider a pristine golf
course as a waste of good pasture land. Every time you
drive past a road construction sight you think what nice jumps
the barricades would make. After arriving at the barn
and finding the indoor being watered, you go ahead and ride
in it anyway. What's a little indoor "rain"? |
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| Your horse gets new shoes more
often than you. Your boyfriend/husband complains that
you love your horse more then you love him and you answer: "And
your point is?" Your boyfriend/husband does something
nice for you and you say "good boy" and pat him on the neck.
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| Your trying to get passed someone
in a crowded hallway and instead of saying "excuse me" to him/her,
you cluck at them instead. You meet a business associate
for a breakfast meeting and they reach over the breakfast table
to pick alfalfa out of your hair. No one wants to ride
in your car because they'll get sweet feed and hay all over
their clothes...But hey, that's OK!!You'd have to rearrange
all the tack to make room for them anyway! |
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| You are totally grossed out
by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't mind horse hair
in your washer, on your clothes, in your food... You don't
mind throwing the frozen manure balls for the barn dog to fetch! |
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| Your first stop in the office
is the ladies room to remove the shavings from your shoes.
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| The non-horsy guy you just started
dating gives you a funny look after glancing into the back seat
of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs. |
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| Your kids run through the house
and you tell them to whoa. Your car trunk acts as an auxiliary
tack box. You see the vet more than you see your child's
pediatrician. The doctor says the bump on your finger
is an inflamed tendon sheath, and you tell him, "Oh, you mean
a windpuff." |
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| You cannot imagine why anyone
would think it kinky to own whips. You yell at the kids,
and the horse's name pops out. On rainy days, you organize
the tack room, not the house. Books and movies are ruined
for you if horsemanship references are incorrect. You
actually get to a point where flies don't bother you so much.
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| You've considered moving into
the barn, since it is cleaner than the house. Your horse
seems the right choice when you need to talk something out with
someone. You often sneak furtively into laundromats and
pretend that you really didn't just put that stinky, filthy
horse blanket into the comforter-sized machine. |
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| You plan corn on the cob for
dinner just so you can feed the cobs to your horses for a treat.
You have more pictures of your horses in your office than you
have of your family. You can find your boots in the dark
by the aroma. You drive up in the yard, get out of the
car and inhale the perfume of the manure pile. |
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| You talk to the horses like
they were kids. The only picture you have of your husband
just happens to have been taken the one (and only) time you
let him ride your horse. You hate posing for pictures
unless you're on your horse. You chirp, cluck or kiss
to your truck/car. |
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| You don't notice the barn smells
on your clothes/shoes and wonder why "regular" folks are sniffing
the air when you walk up. Most of your social life is
with other horse folk. You known more about equine nutrition
than human nutrition. Just ask your kids.
All your clothes have horsehair on them, even
if they've never been worn to the barn.
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| You choose which clothes to
buy on the basis of whether or not you can wash horse slobber/manure
out of them. You get out of your warm bed at 3:00 AM,
and go outside to bring the horses in because it's raining.
If that's not enough, you even dry them off a little, before
going back to bed. You giggle when your braiding your
horse's tail and he/she farts in your face. |
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| You get your income tax refund
and the first thing you do is head for the tack shop.
Every time you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours and you can't
imagine where the time went. Your car is the only one
in the company parking lot that has an inch of dust INSIDE and
when you open the door, a swarm of flies emerge.
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| The first bills you pay each
month are all horse related. You don't really *need* a phone
anyway (unless you have to call the vet -- oops, better pay
that one). You choose your new dog by which breed is best with
horses. You always have new foal pictures in your wallet.
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